Chasing Dogma or, how the boys met Kevin Smith
by xmarie08
Summary: When working a job in Red Bank the boys take Cas to Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash and realize that Dogma maybe more than a work of fiction. Lots of Kevin Smith references and quotes. Dean/Cas if you really squint. Completed story.


"You wanna do what?"

"I said, I want to take Cas to the comic book store" Sam sounded slowly.

"We're in—" Dean turned to Cas "Where are we again?"

"Red Bank, New Jersey."

"Yeah, Podunk, New Jersey, in the middle of the apocalypse and you want to take and angel of the lord to go pick up the latest issue of Buffy Season 8?"

Sam rolled his eyes, "Right, cause taking him to strip clubs and brothels is so much more dignified."

"Seriously, comics?" He glanced at Cas who just stared back at him with a look that Dean could now identify as a "got me?" shrug.

_Yeah, it's not weird that I know that at all_ thought Dean.

"Dude, we're in _Red Bank_."

"You say that like it should mean something."

"'I'm not even supposed to be here today!'… ringing any bells?"

Awareness dawned and a sly smile spread across Dean's face, "Snootchie Bootchies."

"Come on Jay and Silent Bob," Sam joked, "let's go."

On the way to Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash, Sam and Dean tried to explain Kevin Smith to Cas.

"So, he's working at this convenience store and he maxes out his credit cards to shoot this $30,000, 16 millimeter black and white film called _Clerks_—"

"Christ Sammy you're even a geek about movies."

"Shut it."

"And this movie is about?"

"It's about this guy, Dante, who gets called in to work on his day off. His buddy Randall works in the video store next door and, basically, it's just about a weird day they have," Sam said with a shrug. "It's mostly them talking about shit."

Cas looked confused. He turned to Dean, "I thought you said all good movies have explosions."

Dean had the good sense to look embarrassed. "Yeah, well, Sam's leaving out the like epicness of some of these conversations. Like, 'Which did you like better: Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back?'"

Sam grinned, "Empire had the better ending: Luke gets his hand cut off, and finds out Vader's his father; Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. And that's life—a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets."

"Man's a fucking philosopher" Dean said with admiration.

"What's a Muppet?"

Sam and Dean exchanged exasperated looks before Dean addressed the angel, "One cultural history lesson at a time Cas."

"My apologies. Please continue Sam."

"Ok, so after _Clerks_, he makes _Mallrats_, which didn't do particularly well at the box office, but attained a cult following on VHS."

"Which also contains some epic dialogue."

"You're thinking about the kryptonite condom aren't you."

"Damn straight."

"What—" Cas started.

"Nevermind" Dean and Sam said simultaneously.

"The next film was _Chasing Amy_ which is considered Smith's best work to date. It's about a guy who falls in love with a lesbian."

It was Dean's turn to pull out a quote, "It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny? The man-hating dyke. Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!"

Sam laughed until he noticed that Castiel looked appalled. "Oh, uh, the uh, language isn't exactly… family friendly. Dude's not homophobic. Though, to be fair, a lot of his characters are…"

"Sam? Shut up," Dean interrupted.

"Uh, yeah. Well, the next film is actually why I wanted to bring you to the store Cas."

"Son of a bitch! I can't believe I didn't think of that before," Dean turned to Sam, eyes wide.

"Yeah, well, we've been a little busy what with Lucifer…"

"Trying to screw us in uncomfortable places?" Dean said with a grin.

"What… like the back of a Volkswagen?"

"What are you two going on about?" Cas interrupted.

"It's _Dogma_" said Dean.

Cas was starting to get frustrated, "What on earth does church doctrine have to do with vulgar movies and comic books?"

"No, not dogma, _Dogma_, it's the name of his next movie" Sam explained.

"I'm still failing to see the relevance Sam."

Dean chuckled, "See, the thing is Cas, we're living _Dogma_." He glanced at Castiel's befuddled expression and continued.

"See, in this film two fallen angels played by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck—"

"Oh!" Castiel interrupted, "the guys from _Good Will Hunting_."

Sam turned in amazement. "How do you know that?"

"Dean and I watched it last weekend, right Dean?"

With a blush creeping Dean cleared his throat, "Yeah, that's right."

"What?" He glared at Sam, "It's a good movie."

"Then why did you tell me you watched _Die Hard_?"

"Whatever. Anyway, the two angels want to escape their banishment in Wisconsin and get back into Heaven. They find a loophole in the Catholic dogma and set off to this church in New Jersey."

Sam picked up the story, "God though, God is missing so Heaven dispatches the last Scion to stop the renegade angels and along the way she meets up with two prophets, an apostle, a muse, and tangles with some demons. Eventually they find God, and she's Alanis Morissette."

"Alanis… that's the woman with the poor understanding of the word 'ironic' right?" Cas asked Sam.

Now it was Dean's turn to raise his eyebrows, "Oh really?"

"Shut up. Jagged Little Pill was a good album," Sam slunk down in his seat.

"Excuse me," said Castiel. "I see how this film has relevance to our current circumstances but what does this have to do with comic books? And who are Jay and Silent Bob?"

Sam sat up a little straighter, "Smith is a huge comic book fan. They are always a part of his films and he's even written some. His take on the Green Arrow was a particularly interesting exploration of—"

"Dude," Dean said with a groan. "I can't believe I'm related to you."

"Bite me. Smith likes comics so once he made some money he opened up a store with a buddy."

"Jay and Silent Bob," Dean continued, "are characters these two stoners that appear in all of Smith's films. Jay is played by his buddy Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith plays Silent Bob. Okay?"

Cas nodded and then cocked his head, "Why does Sam call us Jay and Silent Bob?"

"'Cause I'm hilarious, you're quiet, and we're heterolifemates."

"Hetero my ass" Sam muttered under his breath.

"What was that Sam?"

"Nothing!"

"Good, 'cause we're here."

Dean had to admit, Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash was a pretty cool store. Not to Sammy of course, but mentally, to himself? Yeah, it was pretty cool.

Sam was geeking out with some Goth chick over Neil Gaiman and Cas was off inspecting the life-sized Buddy Christ in the film section when Dean decided to check out some of the anime—the Japanese draw fantastic tits.

On his way, an issue of Buffy caught his eye. Checking to make sure that his brother was still occupied he casually reached down and started flipping through the pages.

_Dude, Buffy's banging some hot chick? Who needs anime?_

"Dean!"

Dean jumped and almost shrieked like a little girl when Castiel materialized next to him. Almost.

"Dude! What? I'm not… what?" He stuttered as he hastily slipped the issue into the stacks.

"Dean!" Cas was pale and panicked.

"What? Is it demons?" Dean asked his eyes darting wildly.

_Stupid homoerotic distractions…_

"No, it's, Dean it's, I don't understand…"

"Whoa, take a deep breath," he said as he reached out and squeezed the angel's shoulder. "Now, start at the beginning."

"Well, I was over looking at the _Dogma_ materials and the film is playing and I saw…. What I saw…. I picked up the script and I read it and I don't, I don't understand how it's possible…"

"Cas, come on, use your words man."

"Dean, I think Kevin Smith is a prophet."

Dean just stared at him.

"Dean! Did you hear what I just said?"

"Yeah" Dean started before he was overcome by hysterical laughter.

Sam eventually made his way over to them. "What's going on?"

"He—" Dean started before being overcome again. He was laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes. "He thinks that… He thinks that Kevin Smith is a fucking prophet!"

Sam's eyes went wide. "Are you sure Cas?"

Cas nodded gravely.

Dean, for his part was staring at the two of them incredulously. "Are you two out of your minds? You think that the guy that wrote _Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back_ is a prophet of the Lord?"

"You have met Chuck Shirley right Dean?" Sam asked pointedly.

"Fuck."

They bought a copy of the _Dogma_ script and the DVD before returning to their motel.

It was a stroke of luck that Kevin Smith was going to be a store the following day signing copies of the new edition of _My Boring Ass Life_. Sam called it luck—Cas called it the grace of God and Dean tried not to roll his eyes.

After watching the film and ingesting large quantities of Chinese takeout, Sam asked Cas why he was sure Smith was a prophet.

"Yeah," scoffed Dean. "I mean, the details don't jive, like the angels having all met God and I know you aren't actually junkless."

Sam almost spit his beer across the room. As it was he choked and sputtered, "Is that so Dean?"

Dean turned beet red, "Get your mind out of the gutter Sam." He quickly changed the subject back to the film. "The details Cas? I mean, Chuck has the details about us down pat."

"It's true" Cas admitted "the details are not indubitable. There are elements of the story though… Rufus for example."

"There was a Rufus?"

"Yes, though he was a much shorter man in real life."

"So, despite such… lapses, you still think Kevin Smith might be a prophet?" Sam asked.

Castiel nodded, "I do and believe it is possible that he may have information as to God's whereabouts."

"But why the lapses?"

Cas thought for a moment, "This man has done copious amounts of drugs has he not?"

"What, you think rocking the ganja led to artistic differences?" Dean mocked.

"Perhaps."

"Yeah, well, Chuck's a drunk but he still knows what color boxer shorts I wear."

This reduced Sam to giggles.

"Laugh it up fuzzball."

The next morning they left the motel early but there was still a line once they reached the store.

"Damn," Dean groused. "I thought these fuckin' stoners didn't get outta bed before noon."

"Ever heard of wake n' bake? What?" Sam said with a shrug in response to the look Dean gave him, "I went to college. In California."

"Right. So, uh, what are we gonna say to the guy" Dean asked quietly. "And don't even say the truth Cas."

"I wasn't Dean. If we get close enough I think I'll be able to get a better read on him. We have the copy of the script for him to sign. From there, we'll make it up as we go."

Sam shrugged, "Not the worst plan we've ever come up with."

"Yeah, not the best either," Dean muttered rolling his eyes.

After a half an hour it was finally their turn to approach the table.

"Hi, I'm Dean, this is my heterolifemate Cas" Dean said with a smirk.

Kevin Smith sat impassive.

"Yeah, you probably get that a lot" Dean stammered. "Uh, this is my brother Sam" he said jerking his thumb to his right.

"Hi. We're, um, big fans" Sam said nervously.

"Ow!" Cas suddenly shouted.

Dean turned to see Cas ripping open his shirt.

_What the fuck!_

"Cas, what are you—" he hissed.

And then he saw it. Sam saw it at the exact same moment because they gasped simultaneously.

Dean's amulet was brilliant orange, like the metal had been placed in a furnace and there was an angry welt on Castiel's chest.

Eyes wide, Sam, Dean and Castiel all looked at each other in stunned silence. Then, they turned slowly to examine the man behind the folding table.

"What?" he said with a shrug.


End file.
